I live in a country with one of the youngest populations in the world. Over 56% of our population consists of children and teenagers. It may be said that this is a direct result of a very high fertility rate as well as early pregnancies. Indeed it is not uncommon to see a fifteen year old girl walking around with one hand in her mother’s hand and another on her swelling belly; her mother’s grandchild therein. Yet true as these statements may be, they do not account for the absence of the older generation. That many are born, in fact, should ordinarily be a projection that many will live. This is not so. Uganda’s life expectancy currently stands at 53. Our fight against HIV, hitherto raised as the beacon of hope for Sub-Saharan Africa, is now on the decline with married and sexually active couples most at risk. In 2009, Unicef reported that 51% of infant deaths occurred in Africa, the percentage rising slightly in Uganda’s case. In other words, so many are born, yet few live out their full potential.
In the midst of these tragic statistics lay a minority group of vulnerable (and often unattended) human beings. They continue to be ignored, their rights violated, their sense of identity scarred and their very existence in peril. They are the unmentioned children, noticed only through omission in the phrase “the girl child”. They are the boy-child.
The twentieth century was marked, among other things, by the rise and prominence of the feminist movement and advocacy for the girl-child rights. In my country, phrases like “affirmative-action” were used to refer to the act of granting the girl child extra marks at school, preferential treatment as a minority group and an effective tool for politicians to garner support. We were told that the girl child lacks many things; equal access to education, job opportunities based on merit, equal status in marriage, career and almost any other sector of life. The girl-child was pronounced an apparent second-class citizen in need of much support, encouragement and favor, if she was ever going to realize her full potential. While this sounds extremely noble in theory and could be backed up by statistics of child abuse, neglect and societal norms, its implementation down the years has been far removed from the theory and in many ways counter-productive. The push for girl-child rights, in Uganda, as in most areas in the world, has come almost always at the expense of the boy-child’s rights. While the girl child’s self esteem has been boosted and her dreams encouraged, the boy child has faded off to oblivion, only surfacing when being told not to be like his father, who beats up his mother, steals public funds or commits some crime of sorts.
In Uganda, more than half the children live in households with absentee-fathers. Of those whose fathers are present, only a handful gets to experience the love, guidance and mentorship that fathers are ideally meant to provide. For the most part, children are raised by single-mothers, grandmothers or mother-figures. I seek neither to belittle these women’s efforts no scoff at their ability to raise children in the best way they know how. Yet it still must be said that there is an almost indelible scar left on children who grow up without ever knowing what it means to have a father.
This mark is more pronounced in the boy-child. The odds against a boy-child in Uganda today are almost insurmountable. With absolutely no yardstick given to him for responsibility by his father, a society that assumes he is more privileged than his sister and a world with so many trappings and impediments to his dreams, the boy-child begins his journey through life with bitterness and unanswered questions as his only sure companions. As a child, he sees his sister being taught to kneel when greeting her elders and wonders what he should do to show his respect; silence. When he comes home from the playground, he finds his sister helping mother prepare the evening meal and wonders exactly how the matooke and fish he so loves to eat are prepared; silence. When he grows older he begins to notice hair growing on the private parts of his body. His sister has a similar puzzle, but it is explained to her when she comes home one day screaming in dismay at the blood on her dress that appeared from nowhere as she drew water from the well. For the boy-child, it’s silence as usual. When in their teens, the girl-child is told never to come home beyond six O’clock. She is chastised and sometimes beaten when seen with the neighbor’s son at the village market. When the boy all of a sudden starts having an indescribable attraction to the neighbor’s daughter, all he gets is a wry smile from the village drunkard, a thumbs up from his childhood friend and a tantalizing giggle from the girl. And all the while, society looks on, totally oblivious to the questions that go unanswered in the boy-child’s mind and the growing sense of reckless freedom he is developing. After all, he is a boy and highly ‘favored’ by society.
Fast forward such patterns to twenty years ahead and what do you have? On one hand, an uneducated yet responsible woman tending her home with maturity and responsibility, as she was taught. She most likely will have three or so children and a small garden that she daily tills to produce her family’s food. She will, on the other hand, be married to an absentee husband, whose only role in the family is to come home drunk from a day of inactivity (or indecent activity if any), physically abuse the sex-object he calls his wife, demand for food he has never known how to cook, go to a bed he has no idea how to make and forcibly make another baby he has no idea how to raise. It this boy-child, assumedly favored with freedom, education and status, that grows up into an idler. And whether we like it or not, he takes his family with him into the vicious cycle of poverty. After all, the boy is now a man; the head of the family.
How is it that in so short a time, the world has become so sensitive to the issues facing the girl child, and forgotten all about her brother? How can we claim to be building a better world when on one hand, we claim to recognize the man as the head of the family and on the other, castrate him at birth and crush any possibility of him ever being the man we hope he’ll become? With all the non-government organizations and government policies in Uganda calling upon men to stop violence against women, one would think that men, despite the care, mentorship, love and education handed down to them since childhood, have insisted on abusing women. But today’s abusive husband was yesterday’s abandoned boy-child. And so I ask, who watches out for the rights of the boy-child to grow up in the knowledge and practice of his rights and responsibilities? Certainly not his absentee father. When he grows up and becomes a teenager, who protects him from the tyranny of skimply-dressed girls that he sees on the streets or the uncanny “sugar-mummy” that promises him twenty thousand shillings for a piece of his virgin flesh? Certainly not the anti cross-generational sex billboards that warn older men not to take advantage of young girls. When it comes to policy and political activism, who pressures the government into coming up with programs that enable boys to grow up into responsible, fulfilled and mature citizens? Most definitely not the feminists and girl-rights groups that are spending billions in female-supremacy campaigns. We too often are too busy or too proud to admit that sometimes, the men who make it to the front page of the newspaper for gang raping a woman are in fact yesterday’s boys who learnt (through absence of counsel in the presence of temptation) that they can get away with anything and their sisters will do nothing to him because he is a boy.
Am I justifying crime and domestic violence? Most definitely not. All I am saying is that perhaps we have our priorities wrong. Maybe, in our haste to rescue the girl-child from the unquestionable distress she goes through, we have been too subjective to recognize the true source of gender imbalance. If we were to trace the lines of prejudice and male chauvinism present in today’s Ugandan (and indeed African) man, we would find that its source (at the very least, in part) lies in his neglect as a boy. If boys had a father to guide them, a mother to love them and a society that recognizes them as much at risk as their female companions, maybe they would grow up feeling less vulnerable, defensive and pressured to prove themselves men. The society that points a finger at men and their chauvinism must also be ready to admit its role in failing them as boys.
I fear that by focusing all our energies on the fulfillment and self-actualization of the girl-child, we have-by commission or omission-neglected an equally pressing duty of educating, equipping and mentoring boys to become men. By putting women first and treating as sacred, their will to power, we are creating in today’s society, a dormant, apathetic and frustrated breed of males. We have to realize that the journey toward gender equality is a double-lane. We cannot use the term to mean the act of empowering girls, without simultaneously implying the need to equip boys. The boy-child in Uganda has dreams and aspirations too; visions of the future that can only be birthed in a society that recognizes and supports them. If this does not happen, we will continue birthing men whose neglect and irrelevance during their childhood’s social agenda make it impossible for them to actively participate in today’s gender equality crusade.